Posted on :Monday, Aug. 30, 2004
The hunt for 'kepala keretapi'
Mak: mysanc, siapa nama kawan mysanc yang tanya bila nak jumpa kepala keretapi tu? mysanc: Kepala ketapi? Bila ? Mak: Alah...masa wedding Ms A dulu.. {Kids from a large family are called 'gerabak keretapi', hence their father 'kepala keretapi} mysanc: Ohh...Ms Dee. Dah jumpa dah... Mak: Dah kahwin? mysanc:Dah...Ada kawan tolong arrangekan...Apalah mak ni? Benda detail cam tu ingat. Ubat pun kadang lupa dah makan ke belum... Mak: Eh, iyalah. Kadang-kadang ingatan tu cam tu. Mujur jumpa kepala ketapi. Kalau jumpa kepala gajah? mysanc: Pulak-pulak gajah yang naik minyak. Haru... I think I know why Mak bring up the conversation. It's not that I'm against marriage or anything. I do want to be 'a complete ummat Muhammad'. I'm leaving it to Taqdir. Maybe there's something wrong with my understanding of Taqdir. of Tawakkal. I don't know. A couple of my friend asked me if I would like them to arrange something between me and their friends, but I don't feel like taking up the challenge. My surrounding does not help, either. {Not that I'm from a broken family or anything. Mak & Bapak has been married for 40 years. Sure there are small misundertanding. But they always made up. And it's never about a third person. They're just silly matters- about the other half wanting to be 'manja-ed'. Nothing wrong with that.} My cousin was left 'gantung tak bertali' for 15 years. She didn't bother to ask for fasakh because she loves her daughter so much, that she does not want her daughter to be a pawn between her and her estranged husband. Another cousin was deprived of the rights to visit his kids. My widowed aunt once said it would have made her happier if she can be like me, have a job, go wherever I want to.{I have a job, but I don't go out much} I always wonder what if her sons and daughter have heard what she said. Would they feel that their mother love them less? Sometimes my mother would jokingly suggested that I adopt a kid. mysanc: Anak angkat. Anak tekak mysanc pun tak terjaga... Mak: yelah. Makan pun mak yang masakkan. If I adopt, who would have to care for the kid ? My mother? It wouldn't be fair. Me ? What would I have to do then ? Quit my job ? How to feed both of us ? Some people invest in insurance, takaful, unit trust to cater for their old age. Some people their daughters or sons as investment. How many young people really do take great care of their parents? And recently, on the way to a wedding: Mak: Kalau mysanc dah kahwin, siapalah nak hantar Mak pergi kenduri? mysan: Alah...mak telefonlah...{Just bear with our imagination running in overdrive, okay ... ;) } In the mean time, I'll live my life on a day to day basis, be as doting as an aunt can be, and be as helpful as a daughter can be. As useful as a human can be. I believe what we don't have {or know} won't hurt us. Like a woman being hurt because the man she loved has leave her. Like a man being hurt because the woman he loves is no longer with him. ---
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